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My bleeding heart.

July 12, 2011

We have a routine every morning, E gets C ready for the day while I get ready. He packs us up in the car and off we go to daycare and work. We go through the motions, like robots…it’s not my ideal situation, but it’s what we need to do right now.

When I drop her off at daycare I sit her down with her classmates on the play mat while I put all her bottles and food away. When I am finished I go and give her kisses and hugs goodbye. She usually will grab a toy or crawl away to something that she wants to play with and then I’m off.

This morning, I got us ready and all packed up. Things were VERY different this morning. This morning was probably one of the hardest mornings I’ve had since I started back to work after C was born.

She was is a great mood this morning, happy as could be. When I finished putting her things away at daycare, I followed my routine of sitting down with her and giving her hugs and kisses and as I got up, out came the waterworks and the hysterical crying. I turned around and hugged her some more and then her teacher came over to take her from my arms. I had to turn away and walk out. Every bone in my body wanted to take her with me and go home, but that wouldn’t help either one of us…so I walked away to the sound of my baby girl scream and cry and just stare at me with tears pouring from her face.

I walked out to my car and tears fell from my face. I sat in my car and probably shed more tears then I can remember. It’s been 2 hours since I dropped her off and I am still having trouble trying to collect myself.

If any of you know C, she doesn’t really cry much and has never been a fussy baby. She will usually go to anyone and be fine after a little warming up. I’ve read about separation anxiety in books and that around her age is when it will happen. I really didn’t think it was possible with her, she just didn’t seem like she would be that way. Boy, was I wrong.

Seeing the tears on her face this morning and her arms trying to pull for me, killed me. It crushed me and made my heart bleed. I want today to be over. I want to be with my baby.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2011 8:10 pm

    I don’t know you, I just read your blog once in a while, but today I read your post and I cried with you.

  2. July 13, 2011 9:08 am

    oh honey! I am so sorry. we are thinking of you and will see you soon! love, Maggie and CC

  3. July 14, 2011 8:42 pm

    Hang in there friend! Maximus started doing that too. Now we make a fun game of me passing him to our provider. Then if he starts to fuss or reach for me I get him to clap or wave. Then he’s ok and I walk out the door. Immediately putting him on the floor leads to automatic tears. He needs distraction when I’m leaving. I hope you find your groove!!

  4. July 18, 2011 5:55 pm

    It is really hard as a day care provider to see babies upset when their mom or dad leave. I know it is really hard but they are usually only upset for a few minutes and go right back to playing. She will learn that you always come back for love and snuggles at the end of the day. That doesn’t make it any easier though.

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